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LIHABF February 24, 2007

Posted by Arnold in Arnold.
2 comments

Everyone likes winning arguments with good, sparkly-clean logic. Like a beautiful Paul Morphy chess game, it’s something that pleases you not only as you execute the victory, but also brings a smile to your face every time you think about it later. Indeed, there’s nothing like a fine logical victory. Nothing, that is, except for one other thing — an fine ILLOGICAL victory!

“Trust me”, fighting logic with illogic is the funnest thing in the world! You can watch the other person try to reason, convince, argue, yank-hair-out-in-frustration, beat-head-against-wall, and then finally gnaw-arm-off-and-club-self-to-death-with-it, while you sputter forth one illogical riposte after another. And then you experience a warm feeling of tingly pleasure spreading all over your body, because you’ve not only won, but you’ve won by knockout! (A recently conducted survey concluded that 96.43% of the people who love to argue using illogic are also sadists.)

Of course, you can’t just throw in any illogic. It has to be good quality, exasperatingly frustrating, mind-fugging illogic. For that you have to be an illogical expert. You need plenty of experience in this field. You need to hone your skills and master your craft for many years, until you can finally make your opponents try to suffocate themselves to death in exasperation.

To help all you folks get started, I shall present here some gems of illogic that I’ve been blessed to hear about in the past year. No doubt, the purveyor of each of them is an expert in the art — a veritable pundit, if you may. We can only bow down to such brilliance and try to pick up a few pointers for ourselves.

So without further ado:-

CLASSIC STATEMENTS OF ILLOGIC FOR 2006

1. “Who’s to say that one month is a short time and 10 years is a long
time? Who’s to say?? Who’s to say???”

2. “I choose not to tell you!”

3. “Things change, people change, I changed…”

4. “Why take the first step when the tenth step is not desirable?”

5. “Everything doesn’t have a reason.”

6. “You can’t argue some things with logic.”

Okay, fine. The last one actually makes sense. A LOT of sense.

(The post above is filled with in-jokes and probably didn’t make any sense to you. If you even understand any of it, you have my utmost sympathies. The list was compiled by a friend. I take no credit in its making. Thank you and good night!)

Jefri Bolkiah – A True Triumph des Villains person July 26, 2006

Posted by Kunal Sawardekar in Kunal, Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

Ever since the first cavemen began to accumulate wealth (in the shape of pointy stones, no doubt) there have been wastrel sons who run through run through fortunes like a buck naked mathematician through the streets of Syracuse. Such intrepid spendthrifts have seen companies bankrupted, estates auctioned and fortunes squandered. But among such improvident profligates, one name stands out, unequalled.

His Royal Highness Prince Jefri Bolkiah of Brunei.

While mere mortals may be content to merely ruin the businesses or estates left in their hands, young Jefri, appointed Minister of Finance by his doting brother Sultan Hassanal, proceeded in a 13 year spending spree, to bankrupt an entire country. This guy spent so much money that when his brother the Sultan finally clamped down on him, the economy went into recession because of the huge drop in spending. He spent, according to a team of 100 accountants specially flown in to assess the damage, an average of $7,47,000 per day for ten years.

And what did our hero buy with all that money? Among the items on auction as the Sultan desperately tries to recoup his losses are three gold-plated toilet brushes. The star of the Prince’s collection (not, regrettably, available on auction) however, was his Yacht Tits with its two lifeboats Nipple 1 and Nipple 2.

Sadly for the Prince and the watchers of VH1 show The Fabulous Life, the Prince was reined in by his brother and in fact sued by the government for spending their money so carefreely. As punishment, he now gets an allowance of only $3,00,000 every month, which he mainly spends jetting around the world avoiding his creditors.

Whatever the outcome, someone who manages to waste $15 billion and totally drain his country’s foreign exchange reserves is clearly a chap to be reckoned with. It is for this reason that this truly amazing guy is a TdV person. We are not worthy.

(Read more at the Asiaweek article on Jefri. Hat tip: Anish Bhatt)

Censorship July 17, 2006

Posted by Kunal Sawardekar in Uncategorized.
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Well, this post is somewhat removed from the stated purpose of this blog, which is to be irrelevant and incoherent. However, as this is the only one of my blogs that i can still access, i’m writing it here.

The Indian Government seems to have blocked blogger.com from being seen in India. My blog, Arnold’s blog, and several others are no longer visible to surfers in India.

This wiki is a good place to start if you want to read about, or join in the protest against this (presumably) boneheaded bit of governmetal stupdity.

The Second Post that should have come First June 18, 2006

Posted by Kunal Sawardekar in Kunal.
3 comments

After having read Arnold's first post on this blog, some of you might wonder: What is the purpose of this blog? Why have Kunal and Arnold started a group blog together? Couldn't they just post this stuff on their own blogs? Now Arnold and I respect such questions. In fact we think they are very good questions, and we request that if you can come up with satisfactory answers for them, please let us know.

Basically, this blog was born in the course of a discussion about Judas Priest, Jacques Cousteau, the Barbary Pirates and the United States Marine Corps. Of course, you might ask why two guys in their right minds would have such a discussion. That, too, is a good question.

To conclude, I want to share with you this nugget from the Manifesto for an Independant Socialist Canada:

"The achievement of socialism awaits the building of a mass base of socialists, in factories and offices, on farms and campuses. The development of socialist consciousness, on which can be built a socialist base, must be the first priority of the New Democratic Party."

This is Kunal Sawardekar, signing off on my first post on Triumph des Villains. We are not proud.

This is Not a “First Post” First Post June 17, 2006

Posted by Arnold in Arnold.
5 comments

Are you looking for fame? An easy lay? Riches beyond your widest dreams? A meaning to life? If your answer to any of the aforementioned questions is "yes", I'd like to take extreme pleasure in informing you that YOU HAVE COME TO THE WRONG PLACE. My suggestion to you would be to assassinate the President of a country, befriend Tara Reid, rob a bank or read a Scott Adams book respectively, depending on what you answered yes to. Then come back here.

If, on the other hand, your life makes too much sense, then you've certainly come to the right place. For on this blog, Kunal Sawardekar and I intend to bring some nonsense and hilarity into your otherwise mundane existences. If, in doing so, we push you over the edge into insanity; remember that you have been warned.

Although this is a free service being provided by us kind souls, donations made to our Trust will be quite welcome. All checks may be sent in the name of The Merry Soldiers Trust to 13, Gato Street, Sillyville, Idaho. Remember, the more you send in, the faster we can take that Caribbean holiday.

If you cannot send in money, please name your first-born girl child after whichever one of us you fancy more. This way, after a year we can count the number of female children in this world named either "Kunal" or "Arnold" and figure out which of us is more popular.

Keep watching this space.

Arnold D'Souza